Authentic Friendships

Commitment in Friendships

May 01, 2022

Commitment

Commitment in friendship???  Crazy talk, right???

You might be thinking “I’ve never thought of commitment in friendship.”  

Friendship is usually one of those things that just seems to happen without too much thought or intention.  You are at work and make friends with the people around you, you go to church and chat it up, maybe you volunteer and meet people who have the same interests as you or maybe you have an awesome neighborhood group.

Being committed to a friendship is the same as being committed in a relationship, partner or to a job.  Commitment levels vary and there is no one way to do it.  Seeing friendship from a new angle or perspective can help you with creating more meaningful connections and better friendships. 

My friend Kristy and I walk every Saturday morning at 7am and have been doing this for the last 12 years. Since the pandemic, we are now only walking one Saturday a month.  Our commitment in this friendship is to meet, walk, chat and share with each other.  We share our struggles, funny stories, family challenges and our most recent topic is sharing grandbaby pictures.  The only other time we communicate is to confirm our walks via text. We are both committed to walking together and sharing time in nature.  

The reason this friendship works so effortlessly is that there are no other expectations. Confirm the walk via text a day or two before, meet at the spot, walk, chat, laugh and see each other next time.  That’s it. This friendship works beautifully for both of us.

Steadiness in Friendship

When you read or hear the word steadiness do the words calm, reliable and predictable come to mind or something else? Steadiness can help build trust in friendships, reducing drama and uncertainty.  For some, steadiness could equate to boring.  Take some time and start thinking about how steadiness impacts your friendships.  Is this a value that is important to you? And, if it is, what actions do you want to take to increase the steadiness in your friendships?  Write those things down!!

Honesty and Disappointment

When Kristy wanted to decrease our walks to only once a month I will admit I was more than a little disappointed because I really enjoy our regular walks.  What I love about our friendship is the level of honesty.  She shared with me that she wanted to limit her exposure due to the pandemic and multiple other demands including aging parents, her job situation and a new grandbaby. Honesty equals trust when it comes to friendship. Being honest about your needs and trusting that it’s safe to ask for what you want enhances and deepens your connection.

Credit

Be sure to give your friends credit when they go out of their way, when they compliment you, show up for you or pick up the tab.  Appreciation goes a long way for all of us.  It is one of those things that doesn’t cost anything and feels good for both of you.  Feeling appreciated, being given credit  and feeling seen builds trust in friendships (all relationships, actually). When was the last time you told someone you appreciate them, not just for what they did but for who they are?  

Belief in Yourself

When it comes to friendship it can be hard to believe in yourself.  Maybe as a kid you were shy or maybe more of an introvert than the others in your group.  This can bring up uncomfortable or uneasy feelings about making friends.  This struggle is REAL for so many women and believing in yourself starts with daily practice.  You can start by saying hello and making eye contact with someone at the grocery store, a passerby in a parking lot or engaging in a short conversation with the server at the restaurant.  You can write down two things a day that you did well or where you did something out of your normal routine that was a little bit uncomfortable.  These simple actions will increase your confidence and belief in yourself.

Certainty

Making friends comes really easy for some and not so easy for others.  Some people have a confidence level around making friends that seems sky high and others not so much.  Are you someone who assumes everyone will like you or do you believe nobody is going to like you?

If you are the latter, imagine for a moment how it would feel to walk into a room full of people and believe with 100% certainty that they ALL will like you?  What does that feel like?  Does it feel overwhelming, maybe movie star-like or perhaps a relief.  A relief that you don’t have to work so hard at making friends.  Because honestly, you don’t have to work so hard.  You are enough!!!

Take some time each day when you wake up or at night before you go to sleep and imagine what it feels like to walk into a room full of people with certainty knowing that making friends is easy for you. 

In Friendship, 

Debbie

 

If you are tired of being lonely and struggling with friendship or would like to learn more ways to have better friendships join us at our free events and workshops.  Together we are always better!!  https://authenticfriendships.com/

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